I'm just a little selfish - how about you?

I have been thinking of writing a blog on this topic for a while, but I just haven't found the right combination of words, time and clear thought. 

Much of this journey that Wanda and I have been on for the last couple years has been focused on concepts like: laying down self, or abandonment, or sacrifice, or let it go (sorry, just had to put that one in there)

To state the obvious, I believe that our culture is terribly selfish.  And maybe it isn't just our culture.  Anyway, we can start with what we know.  As I look at the people around me, and at myself, I see that all of our decisions, all of our actions, all of our thoughts are in some way centered on ourselves.  Our self fulfillment, our self protection, our self enjoyment, our self satisfaction, etc.

So why are we so selfish?  I am not a philosopher, or writer for that matter, so I am likely coming to the wrong conclusion and expressing it the wrong way, but I wonder if we aren't all so selfish because we are all afraid.  We fear failure, or loneliness, or we fear for our kids, or our freedoms, we fear that something isn't fair, we fear that we actually are expected to accomplish something in this world.

What if we weren't afraid of any of that?  What if we could just rest in the fact that God created us, loves us, and saved us; and that His grace is sufficient?  What if my failures, loneliness, kids, freedoms,  justice, accomplishments are all completely and eternally covered by the Love of God? - Done.

In church circles, we like to talk as though we have this all figured out.  We have given our lives to God, and have given up our selfish ways.  But the reality is that we just surround ourselves with selfish religion.  Religion that makes us feel good, or worship that we can relate to, or preaching that stirs our hearts.  None of those things are bad, but you will notice, they are all about me.

So what if we could live lives that acted out the fact that it isn't about me.  The world was not created nor was I born so that I could succeed in my career, or so that I could do wonderful things like help people get clean water.  Nope, it was all done, from creation till right now for Gods glory.  Not mine.

I wonder what it would be like to live an abandoned life.  For the last three years, Wanda and I have been getting up every morning seeking to set ourselves aside, and to be available for whatever God places in front of us that day.  As I have told a few people, I have found that I am not good at this practice.  I am learning that I am very selfish, I am also learning that God knows that, and choses to use me anyway.

Our pastor at Impact preached last Sunday on the period of the Judges in Israel.  For the non bible scholar, this was something like 350 years with one theme.  Everyone did what was right in their own eyes.  The pattern goes like this.  The people abandoned God, God punished them by raising up foreign powers to oppress them, the people cried out to God, God raised up a deliverer, repeat.  There are a couple of things that stand out to me in that history.  (1) How similar my response to God is to their response.  And (2) I am amazed that even though these people couldn't figure it out, God still used them.  Just like He uses us.

Then buried in the time of the Judges is the story of a foreigner named Ruth.  Her story is one of abandonment.  She gave up everything, her people, her future, her God, for what?  For the love of her mother in law and the life of an outsider.  Why would she do that?  I am sure I don't really know, but I do believe that she did it because she understood that it wasn't about her. 

I want to learn that lesson.  I don't want it to be about me, and I pray that for others as well.