El Salvador Post #1

I recently returned from a trip to El Salvador with Engineering Ministries International.  If I were an accomplished blogger, I would have sent updates while on the trip.  Needless to say I am not an accomplished blogger, and I honestly had better things to do in country than write blog updates.....

I am sure I will have other posts telling various stories about my time in El Salvador.  The story for this post comes from our last night in country.  There were 7 of us from EMI and another 12 or so from Envision Wired all sitting in a circle sharing our experiences of the last week.  We were to answer three questions:  1) What is the most memorable thing that happened this past week?  2) What was a time that you were discouraged this past week?  3) Why did God have you here this past week?

My answer to the first question had something to do with Coconut Ice cream (maybe a story for another day).  It was the last two questions that pretty much floored me that night.  Part of my response for question 2 was that I was discouraged that I hadn't heard a clear call from God while in El Salvador regarding my future involvement with EMI (should I be on full time staff).  I have been seeking God's direction for quite sometime on this, and I thought it would be great to have a clear call from God while I was on the trip.  It didn't happen.  No verses stood out, no lights or voices from heaven, no dreams, etc, etc.  While sharing this, I ended up a crying mess.

Question 3 came around and I was honestly too emotionally spent to share my answer.  But as soon as the question was raised, why are you here, I knew the answer - "Obedience".  So, then I had to ask myself - "If I am here out of obedience to what God has called me, then why am I asking for direction?  You can't be obedient unless you have been given direction."

Upon returning home and talking with Wanda, we both felt that it is time to move forward and apply to EMI for a full time staff position.  Neither Wanda or I know the when, where, or how of this step; only that we are taking this step obediently following Jesus.

Does he forget?

Today I was reading a devotional by Oswald Chambers that talked about how God is our Father and that there in never anything that we are going to remember that He has forgotten.  So why bother worrying?  We like to worry.  Seems like that must just be a part of the human condition.

Oswald has a really good point, and I have a really bad memory, so why in the world would I think that I need to worry about something?  God knows it all.  He was there in the beginning, He has been present every moment of my life, and He know EXACTLY what I am going through right now.  The problem is that knowledge doesn't seem to make the difficulties of the day go away.  Isn't that what we really want, something that make the pain go away?

I always seem to get stuck with the question of how then are we to live?  So God has it all figured out, nothing is getting past Him, so what do I do with that in my daily life?  How does that help me get through my day that I struggle with?  I wish like anything that I had an answer to those questions. 

But I don't.  I am left with the knowledge that my Father loves me and gives me what He knows I need.  All I need to do is to continue to rest in His capable arms.

Leadings

I have been a Christian for most of my life, and while I have never been known for my memory, it seems like I can remember a lot of different ways that us Christians like to talk about how God leads us.  Are supposed to sit still and wait for God to tell us what to do, or are we supposed to be looking for open and closed "doors", or do we walk the path that lies ahead trusting that we are holding Gods hand, or are we a big ship that can't be turned if it isn't moving, or does is not really matter as long as we are growing closer to God and building that relationship?

The point of this post is to say - "I don't know".  In my life, I have seen God lead in many ways, and I am pretty sure there have been times that I haven't seen him lead.

For the past two years I have felt that my current situation is being squished.  I feel like on every side the walls are getting closer.  It's like Luke, Han, Lea and Chewbacca in the trash compactor.  I desperately call out for help.  I don't hear anything.  Unlike our desperate galactic travelers, I know who is pushing the walls in.  So am I suppose to try to stop the walls?  or am I supposed to try to escape?  If God is squishing me, am I supposed to try to stop Him?

At this point, I guess I just have a lot of questions.

Water

Water water everywhere.....  One of the little stories that lives within the bigger story of my life has to do with water.  When I was a Youth Pastor in Silverton, I spent a day at Silver Falls State park (would highly recommend this if you get the chance).  In the evening I was sitting down by the base of the North Falls the spray from the falls was billowing up in my face, and oddly enough, the mist that is ever present in the air around Silverton was falling from the sky.  I watched the relentless fall of water pouring over the falls and I got lost somewhere in those moments.

Sometimes I wonder why God gives us these times of deeper understanding.  Seems like they come and go, sometimes I feel like I get it, other times I feel like I completely wasted an opportunity to learn more about God.

This morning I was reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  He was talking about the relationship between "mountain top" experiences and the ordinary "gray" days of life.  How do we take  the things that we learn on the mountain tops and apply it to the ordinary lives that we live everyday?  I doubt that God gives us those glimpses of Himself just for us to forget and return to our distracted lives.

Anyway, while I was watching water fall, watching water rise, watching water drip, pour, mist, puddle, stream, I thought about just how prevalent water is.  I was impressed by how similar that is to Gods love.  It is everywhere, it never stops, it breaks us down, it lifts us up, it helps us grow, it sustains us, it sneaks into places we never intended, it knocks us down, it warms us up.

Like all analogies, this one has its limits.  But for me, as a Water Engineer, it serves to make me stop and think every time I see, feel or hear water (which is often).  As an engineer, there is a part of me that is wired to try to take the natural world and harness, control, focus, and use it.  Looking back at mans attempts to harness, control, focus, and use water, I see successes and failures.  How is it that we try to harness, control focus and use Gods love?  Are we supposed to? or is Gods love supposed to be left alone?

Toady is the 16th of April, and water is falling on Central Oregon in the form of Snow.  Sometimes Gods love does not come in the form that we think it should.  Sometimes we don't recognize God's love for what it is.  It is cold and hard.  Sometimes I need reminded that it is still Gods love even if I don't like it......

Beginnings

I call this post beginnings because, while this isn't the beginning of the story, it is the beginning of the telling of the story.

God works in very interesting ways.  Through the years, as Wanda (my wife) and I look back, we see where God has moved through out lives. We see that even though we feel like we are stumbling around with blinders on, somehow God leads us to where He uses us.

This started happening very early in our marriage.  We had been married about 6 months.  I was at Colorado State University trying to finish my Master Degree in Civil Engineering.  Wanda was working through her Bachelor Degree in Social Work.  One night I couldn't sleep, isn't that where the trouble always starts?  I ended up on the couch in the living room praying.  It was there, in our little apartment that I heard/felt God call me to full time Youth Ministry.  My first thought was "Cool, I can stop writing my thesis!"  But that wasn't God's plan.

I ended up finishing my degree and started sending out resumes for both engineering and youth ministry.  There were many opportunities, and many closed doors.  It often felt like I was being led down a path following bread crumbs.  Eventually, I had an interview with a small engineering company, and the Interviewer asked me "So, Jon, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"  This used to be the cool question to ask during the interview process.  Back then I am sure I had some sort of clever response.  However, for this interview I said something like "I don't really expect you to understand, but I believe that God has a plan for be to me doing full time Youth Work in the near future."  Oddly enough, they hired me.  Interesting how God works.

Two years later, my wife and I were finally called to be Youth Minister at a little church in the corn fields of south central Iowa.  From there it was five years in Silverton, Oregon.  Then, while everything seemed to be going fine, God made it clear to us that it was time to move on.  We let our Church know that we would be leaving in a few months and then started to look for Engineering jobs again (since that is the other thing I know how to do).  God led our now growing family of four to Lakeview, OR where we added another member to our family and then on to Redmond, OR where we have been waiting for the past 7 years.

We feel strongly that God continually leads us through life always using where we are at and always preparing us for what is ahead. He has ALWAYS been faithful, however, sometimes we have a very hard time waiting.

So, now it seems that God is getting us ready for whatever the next thing might be.  For quite a few years we have felt that God would eventually use us in an International setting.  We have never know where or how or when, but that has always been in the back of our minds.