When the rubber hits the road

Such a simple phrase that gets a lot of use, I wonder what phrase we used before we had rubber and roads to hit them with.  I am sure there is some literature scholar out there who could help me with this, but that really isn't what this is about.

Wanda and I have been talking a lot over the last couple years about how God is leading us and where God is leading us and when God is leading us.  For quite some time, the recurring themes have been daily obedience, setting aside our self, and waiting.  In the past month or so, that has changed to obedience, setting aside our self and GO.  Waiting for things is hard.  Our daughter Rachel (8) is hilarious as birthdays, holidays, Christmas, and vacations approach.  Each day that she has to wait her energy ramps up.  I am always amazed by that phenomenon.  Someone should study that.

Now we are looking "going" straight in the face.  We don't know when, where, how, and I am sure a million other details.  What we know is that as we obey, and as we set our selfish desires aside, God is leading us to go.

Our first step that we felt God leading us toward was completing and submitting applications to Engineering Ministries International (eMi).  This is the organization that I have done a couple short term trips with over the past few years.  Now the "rubber is hitting the road".  Looks like we will be heading to Colorado Springs sometime in the next couple months to interview.

All the conversations have been nice.  Filling out the application was interesting and good for me.  But now, when it looks like we might actually have to do something......  I am sure this is only the first of many, many times that the "going" part of go will give me pause.

There are so many unknowns that pave the path we have begun to walk.  We know that God leads us: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Ps 119:105)

A great reminder to stay in God's word because that is our light.  Sometimes our light shines far into the distance, and other times that light doesn't seem aimed so high.  Either way, we know who lights our way, we know who makes our paths straight and we know who give provisions along the way.  Praise be to our Lord Jesus Christ.

Not deserving

This morning I was overwhelmed with God's kindness to me.  I was drawn to Psalm 37.

Psa 37:3-4
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

There are desires of my heart that I don't believe that I deserve.  As I read that verse this morning, I was brought to tears thinking about just how unworthy I am of his love.

What does it look like to delight yourself in the Lord? What delights you?  Delight - a great sense of pleasure or gratification.  First thing that comes to my mind when I think of delight is my wife and kids, not really them on their own, but my relationship with them.  It is in the intimacy of the marital relationship that I delight in my wife, and it is in the silliness of being a dad to silly kids or in the pride of watching my kids make good decisions that I find delight. 

So maybe it is in relationship that we delight in the Lord.  How do I relate with God?  Changing seasons is one time when this happens for me.  There is something about seeing the created world go through predictable changes that draws me close to God.  There must be something about feeling connectedness to all that is happening around me.   I find delight in what God is doing around me.  I think it reminds me that He is the sustainer of creation; that He is the sustainer of me.

We are going through this stage in our lives of walking through the application process with Engineering Ministries International (eMi).  When I think of being a missionary, I don't think of having my desires met.  Seems like missionaries are supposed to "go without", and generally struggle through life.  I try hard to not think ahead and plan ahead of what God is doing, but at the same time, I have ideas of how I think things may work out, I have desires.  What if I feel that God is in the process of giving me the desires of my heart, AND it includes going to the mission field?  I feel unworthy.  I am unworthy.  But here in Psalms, it says that if I delight myself in the Lord, he will give me the desires of my heart.

God, thank you.  Thank you that along with all of creation you sustain me.  Not only that, but you give me the desires of my heart.  I delight in you, in all of you.

Called by God

I have been involved in a few conversations recently that raise the question, "Have you been called by God"? or better yet, "Have I been called by God"?

I was asked this just the other day.  My response.  No and Yes.  So the background.  I have been serving on the Leadership Team of the Church (Impact) we are attending here in Redmond Oregon for the past couple years.  As with all churches, our church has created some history in it's six year existence.  Skirting around the edge of that conversation, we have had a difficult year this past year.  Our new Pastor (Mike Sheldon) has our existing Leadership Team reading a few articles and thinking about our calling.  Are we serving on the Leadership Team because we have been called, or out of obligation to the organization.

The other morning over a wonderful cup of coffee, I told Mike that I have not been called to serve on the Leadership Team.  I was not awoken last night by an angel telling me to be on the leadership team ( I was awoken however by an angel named Joanna who was attacked by her alarm clock at 2 in the morning!).  I don't have a key verse that I can turn to where God made it clear that I need to show up for the next Leadership Team meeting.  There isn't a song that touched my life regarding my deep seated need to lead.  So, I guess the answer is No, I am not called.

I wonder how many times in my life, and I hope you wonder this as well, I stopped there.  Seems simple enough.  God didn't call me, I don't have to participate. I am sorry to say that I have been there.  I have consciously determined that there are things I shouldn't do because God didn't "call me".

But then there have been times in my life when God did call me.  He called me into full time Youth Ministry in one of those experiences where I couldn't hear the actual words, or see who was speaking them, but every fiber of my being knew that God had just showed up and "called me".

So what about all the other days in our lives?  All those decisions that we make, big and small.  From buying a car, to where to go to college, to if I should marry, to when/if we should have kids, to my occupation, to where I live. 

The other part of my answer to Mike was, Yes.  God has called me.  For those of us to profess to knowing Christ, we have all been called.  When the disciples first started following Him, they dropped everything and followed.  The accounts of what they were to leave and forget are truly amazing!  We were clearly called to love one another, to Go and make disciples, to be Jesus in this place.

God created me with a certain talents or gifts or skills,  then he has given me 44 years of experience, then he sat me and my family down in Redmond among a group of people attempting to serve Him.  So then the question becomes how will I respond.  Will I use what God has given me to do what God has called me to, or will I use what God has given me to do what I want?  In some areas of my life I have done this relatively well.  In others, I have ignored the call.

El Salvador Post #1

I recently returned from a trip to El Salvador with Engineering Ministries International.  If I were an accomplished blogger, I would have sent updates while on the trip.  Needless to say I am not an accomplished blogger, and I honestly had better things to do in country than write blog updates.....

I am sure I will have other posts telling various stories about my time in El Salvador.  The story for this post comes from our last night in country.  There were 7 of us from EMI and another 12 or so from Envision Wired all sitting in a circle sharing our experiences of the last week.  We were to answer three questions:  1) What is the most memorable thing that happened this past week?  2) What was a time that you were discouraged this past week?  3) Why did God have you here this past week?

My answer to the first question had something to do with Coconut Ice cream (maybe a story for another day).  It was the last two questions that pretty much floored me that night.  Part of my response for question 2 was that I was discouraged that I hadn't heard a clear call from God while in El Salvador regarding my future involvement with EMI (should I be on full time staff).  I have been seeking God's direction for quite sometime on this, and I thought it would be great to have a clear call from God while I was on the trip.  It didn't happen.  No verses stood out, no lights or voices from heaven, no dreams, etc, etc.  While sharing this, I ended up a crying mess.

Question 3 came around and I was honestly too emotionally spent to share my answer.  But as soon as the question was raised, why are you here, I knew the answer - "Obedience".  So, then I had to ask myself - "If I am here out of obedience to what God has called me, then why am I asking for direction?  You can't be obedient unless you have been given direction."

Upon returning home and talking with Wanda, we both felt that it is time to move forward and apply to EMI for a full time staff position.  Neither Wanda or I know the when, where, or how of this step; only that we are taking this step obediently following Jesus.

Does he forget?

Today I was reading a devotional by Oswald Chambers that talked about how God is our Father and that there in never anything that we are going to remember that He has forgotten.  So why bother worrying?  We like to worry.  Seems like that must just be a part of the human condition.

Oswald has a really good point, and I have a really bad memory, so why in the world would I think that I need to worry about something?  God knows it all.  He was there in the beginning, He has been present every moment of my life, and He know EXACTLY what I am going through right now.  The problem is that knowledge doesn't seem to make the difficulties of the day go away.  Isn't that what we really want, something that make the pain go away?

I always seem to get stuck with the question of how then are we to live?  So God has it all figured out, nothing is getting past Him, so what do I do with that in my daily life?  How does that help me get through my day that I struggle with?  I wish like anything that I had an answer to those questions. 

But I don't.  I am left with the knowledge that my Father loves me and gives me what He knows I need.  All I need to do is to continue to rest in His capable arms.

Leadings

I have been a Christian for most of my life, and while I have never been known for my memory, it seems like I can remember a lot of different ways that us Christians like to talk about how God leads us.  Are supposed to sit still and wait for God to tell us what to do, or are we supposed to be looking for open and closed "doors", or do we walk the path that lies ahead trusting that we are holding Gods hand, or are we a big ship that can't be turned if it isn't moving, or does is not really matter as long as we are growing closer to God and building that relationship?

The point of this post is to say - "I don't know".  In my life, I have seen God lead in many ways, and I am pretty sure there have been times that I haven't seen him lead.

For the past two years I have felt that my current situation is being squished.  I feel like on every side the walls are getting closer.  It's like Luke, Han, Lea and Chewbacca in the trash compactor.  I desperately call out for help.  I don't hear anything.  Unlike our desperate galactic travelers, I know who is pushing the walls in.  So am I suppose to try to stop the walls?  or am I supposed to try to escape?  If God is squishing me, am I supposed to try to stop Him?

At this point, I guess I just have a lot of questions.

Water

Water water everywhere.....  One of the little stories that lives within the bigger story of my life has to do with water.  When I was a Youth Pastor in Silverton, I spent a day at Silver Falls State park (would highly recommend this if you get the chance).  In the evening I was sitting down by the base of the North Falls the spray from the falls was billowing up in my face, and oddly enough, the mist that is ever present in the air around Silverton was falling from the sky.  I watched the relentless fall of water pouring over the falls and I got lost somewhere in those moments.

Sometimes I wonder why God gives us these times of deeper understanding.  Seems like they come and go, sometimes I feel like I get it, other times I feel like I completely wasted an opportunity to learn more about God.

This morning I was reading "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers.  He was talking about the relationship between "mountain top" experiences and the ordinary "gray" days of life.  How do we take  the things that we learn on the mountain tops and apply it to the ordinary lives that we live everyday?  I doubt that God gives us those glimpses of Himself just for us to forget and return to our distracted lives.

Anyway, while I was watching water fall, watching water rise, watching water drip, pour, mist, puddle, stream, I thought about just how prevalent water is.  I was impressed by how similar that is to Gods love.  It is everywhere, it never stops, it breaks us down, it lifts us up, it helps us grow, it sustains us, it sneaks into places we never intended, it knocks us down, it warms us up.

Like all analogies, this one has its limits.  But for me, as a Water Engineer, it serves to make me stop and think every time I see, feel or hear water (which is often).  As an engineer, there is a part of me that is wired to try to take the natural world and harness, control, focus, and use it.  Looking back at mans attempts to harness, control, focus, and use water, I see successes and failures.  How is it that we try to harness, control focus and use Gods love?  Are we supposed to? or is Gods love supposed to be left alone?

Toady is the 16th of April, and water is falling on Central Oregon in the form of Snow.  Sometimes Gods love does not come in the form that we think it should.  Sometimes we don't recognize God's love for what it is.  It is cold and hard.  Sometimes I need reminded that it is still Gods love even if I don't like it......